That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
