Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
