i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
