her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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