Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
