I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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