I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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