a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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