There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
