i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
