anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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