turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
