just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
