the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
