Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
