god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
