If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
