when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
