I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
