Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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