Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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