So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
