This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
