all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
