here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
