Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
