Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
