careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
