I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
