in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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