Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
