Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
