I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
