I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
