I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
