omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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