Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
