I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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