but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
smell my finger.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
