Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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