I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
