Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
