I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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