the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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