if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
