I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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