i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
