somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Enjoy the penises
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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