So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
