Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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