Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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