needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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