I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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