We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
