So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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