Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I die, sorry about rent.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
