I'm lost and stupid without you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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